I'm Back

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Wow - I have been gone so long. Long story short, last semester got really crazy when I accepted a part-time job writing test questions for an online biology textbook company. It was a great gig -- I was getting the experience I wanted, working from home in my spare time, and making some extra cash. But eventually I felt like the life was being sucked out of me. 15 hours on paper is doable, even as a full time grad student, but in real life it meant that I was constantly procrastinating, staying up too late, and spending my weekends working. I felt like I didn't have time breathe and enjoy life.

It was good though and a learning experience -- learning what I can really handle and learning to leave margin for life.

So this post is to say I'm back and look forward to posting more consistently again. If you have any suggestions on topics - please let me know!

I went to the library today for a couples of books by Soren Kierkegaard, one of my favorite Christian philosophers -- hoping for writing inspiration from that.

Stress

I've been feeling a bit stressed lately. It's mostly due to grad school. But it's kind of weird, because I really love and enjoy research and teaching and learning which are things I do all day.

The problem is that as a Ph.D. student, the date of my graduation depends on how fast I can get good data from my research. For some people that takes five years. For other people it can take seven years. 

via hellomrfox

I want to be in the five year category. And I've realized that I'm getting stressed about not doing enough research each day. I feel guilty about taking a lunch break. I feel guilty about not coming in early enough or leaving late enough. I even feel kind of guilty about not working fast enough. Because all those things might mean that I'll graduate later than I intend. 

Some ideas I've had to decrease my stress levels during the day...

1. Drink some sort of calming tea (like chamomile) instead of constantly drinking coffee. 

2. Go in a bit earlier, and take a real lunch break (or even a walking break) at some point during the day. 

3. Listen to music while I work. 

4. Be aware of my stress level and make a conscious effort to relax. 

5. During breaks take a short walk. Pray and meditate. 

What do you do to keep from getting too uptight during your work day? 

Stress Junkie?

This semester I've been thrown / threw myself into a sea of stress. Between planning  a wedding from Ohio, trying to test out of a class that I've put off for the last 3 and a half years, preparing for my senior seminar, working 16 hours a week, and realizing that my supposedly easy courses this semester are going to be a lot more work than I anticipated....well I'm a little on  edge.

And what's more annoying is that I seem to purposely make it worse by procrastinating what I do have to do.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/somatic-psychology/201101/addicted-success

This article from psychology today explains how some people can actually become addicted to the adrenaline rush that is associated with the stress of trying to achieve high goals.

I'm not a particularly organized person. But check out my calendar. I like to carefully plan every minute of my days so I don't waste even a second. I don't allow myself down-time usually.

So I'm thinking biblical application here -- what does God say about finding rest and having peace?


Unless the LORD builds the house,
those who build it labor in vain.
Unless the LORD watches over the city,
the watchman stays awake in vain.


It is in vain that you rise up early
and go late to rest,
eating the bread of anxious toil;
for he gives to his beloved sleep.
(Psalm 127:1- 2 ESV)

My stress...my "anxious toil" is in vain. It is worthless. My goal today is to take a few minutes when I'm feeling stressed and look at my work from God's perspective. What is its eternal value? How can I find joy and rest in working in such a way that I am in the center of God's will?

Overwhelmed

I’ll be honest here, I’m overwhelmed. I have to keep reminding myself that God’s grace is sufficient. I don’t do well under pressure. Planning is not my forte. I’d rather just let it happen…apparently that doesn’t work when you’re trying to get married. On one hand, I think it’s wonderful that friends and family are coming to celebrate one of the greatest days and decisions of my life – I want to glorify God by showing family and friends what Jordan and I believe Scripture teaches about marriage. And I really do think it is an incredibly important day and I want to give it the time and care that is due. Yet at the same time, I am disheartened by what “weddings” have become – often selfish and materialistic. I would rather spend hours of time and energy on preparing for marriage than preparing for the 5 or 6 hours of my wedding day. So while I don’t want to downplay the importance of the event, I also don’t want to get caught up in the little things.

The important things are that Jordan and I are getting married,  that we will be able to celebrate with our friends and family, and that we will bring honor to the Lord in not only the celebration of our marriage but in our marriage itself.

I think sometimes I’m too hard on myself. I’m not going to be able to please everybody and I keep reminding myself of that fact.

So my readers, could you please pray for me. Pray that I would be able to enjoy this wonderful season of being engaged and planning a wedding and preparing for marriage. Pray that I would have grace under pressure, a grace that flows from the grace that God has poured out so generously on my life. And pray that I would remember that my priority is to glorify God.