An Attempt At Why

This is part of a letter I wrote to a friend who asked why I believe in Christ. These are some thoughts, incomplete of course, but a start. 

Gosh, I wish I could express in words to you why I believe in Christ. I mean there’s definitely a hint of “Pascal’s Wager” type of thinking – that if God is who he says he is then I will have infinite eternal joy in heaven and if he isn’t, then well I die and the world goes on.

Yeah, that gets me through the times of deepest doubt.

Yet, there’s so, so, so much more. Like the whole idea of things being more than the sum of their parts. That love and joy and sadness and depression are more than just an imbalance of hormones and neurotransmitters and evolutionarily impulses. 

 

And hope. Why do I have this constant feeling and deep desire that things will be better some day….that love will abound, that loved ones would be cured, that people would see their true beauty and value  ….I really do have hope…even though it doesn’t make sense.

And truth and self-discovery…when I read God’s word…its not just words to me…it makes me see myself for who I really am. I don’t see a happy, somewhat successful, intelligent biologist who follows God and is responsible with her money and found a nice and loving husband.

No, what I see is a girl who is insanely prideful and envious.  I’m greedy and would rather cling to what I have than give to others. I see someone who would rather help herself than help someone else. I see that my insecurity lies in pride and entitlement.

 It’s a grim picture, but I at the same time….I am filled with hope… that maybe I can become better…love more, serve more, be more joyful for others.